We all know I should never, ever be allowed to be a teacher. Teachers have patience. They also have a tolerance for people that don't know stuff that they know. But if you had to pick between me and this other person I knew, you'd pick me every time. Here's why:
CONSEQUENCES OF BELITTLING by Sara Goldie
INT. COMMONS BLOCK -- NIGHT
Vanier commonsblock, about a month ago. Two college freshmen, doing homework. SARA, 18, incredibly gorgeous and stunning, is doing differential calculus homework. [NAME DELETED], 17, not even close to being in her league, is there too, making no progress on homework as usual.
I really don't understand this.
Let me see.
Sara shows [Name deleted] the homework problem, which is: "find the equation of a quartic polynomial whose graph is symmetric about the y-axis and has local maxima at (-3, -1) and (3, -1) and a y-intercept of -2. y= ?"
[NAME DELETED[ (CONT'D)
Oh, this is so easy. How don't you understand this?
That's it. I hate you.
INT. COMMONSBLOCK -- NIGHT
Present, which is 1 month later. Sara is studying with someone else; [Name Deleted] is not there.
Wasn't that a lovey lesson?
And just for the record, let's see what the textbook says about a topic like this:
"A point of inflection on a curve y=f(x) is a point at which the concavity changes, that is, the curve is concave upward on one side and concave downard on the other side of the point. So, if y'' exists in an open interval containing xnaught, then y''<0 on one side of xnaught an y''>0 on the other side of xnaught. Therefore, if y'' is continuous at xnaught, then y to the n = 0. This we have: Theorum 15.2, if the graph of f has an inflection point at x naught and f'' exists in an open interval containing x naught and f'' is continuus at x naught, then f''(xnaught) = 0."
Yeah. Sorry I didn't understand that instantly the first time around.
This has been a lesson in:
1) Interpersonal relationships
2) Personality flaws
3) Screenwriting formatting
5) Differential Calculus, points of inflection, minima, maxima, etc.
You know, even if I'd be the world's least patient teacher, I think I'd be a really good organizer. Also, I can obviously pack a lot of lessons into one go. I think that's useful. Or confusing. Whatever, really.
I'm just going to go ahead and make this a REALLY long post and keep going.
Things I Accomplished Today
1) French essay, using comparing words
2) Washing jeans.
3) Also, drying them. Two very distinct steps
4) Not being mean to the guy that decided to use both washing machines at the same time. (we only have 2)
5) I finished Econ yesterday. I just wanted to mention that.
6) I painted my nails shiny pink. It's pretty cool. Just saying.
7) I studied for a French quiz
8) Read a French play
9) I FINISHED HALO!!!! Halo 1, but still. FINISHEDDDDD THE CAMPAIGN!!! How awesome is that. Now I want to get Halo 2, except the Staples that has it closed at like, 5. How inconvenient is that.
Things My Floormates Have Taught Me By Example
1) Don't get drunk. Just don't.
2) That on-campus beauty salon? Just don't go there
3) Leaving a pumpkin stuck with knives on the table makes you look like a lunatic
4) Taping a garbage bag over the ceiling light just seems dangerous
5) Yelling and slamming doors until 2AM makes people hate you. A lot.
6) Leaving your dirty dishes in the communal kitchen makes you look like a slob. That people don't like.
7) Doing laundry at 1AM also makes people wish you'd lock yourself out of the building. In a snowstorm.
8) Bringing people cake makes them like you.
Things Halo Taught Me:
1. You thought a place was difficult to navigate normally? Try doing it when the place is on fire.
2. Don't trust things that kidnap you and command you to do something for them that they won't fully explain.
3. Sometimes alien weapons are very cool
4. Hide while the blast door opens; standing right by the control panel makes you an easy target
5. Moving cannons cannot be beaten. Ever. So don't waste a week replaying the same section trying it.
6. Playing 'sneak up on the snail aliens and beat them up' tends to anger the mean, bigger, meaner aliens.
7. Use things for their intended purpose: A sniper rifle is a long-range weapon. Firing it while running backwards doesn't tend to work so great.
8. People/aliens don't like it when you steal their/its cool flying vehicles.
9. When there's a huge aliens vs creepy mutated swamp monster battle going on, just sneak by. Don't bother getting involved.
10. Countdowns do not lie. The ship will explode in 6 minutes. It doesn't wait while you accidentally flip the jeep again.
11. Anything that abducts you is probably evil.
12. Ask questions. Like, "when you say 'destroy the Flood,' do you mean 'destroy the universe'?"
13. When you don't get to pick the colour of your armour, it puts you in a bitter mood for the whole game.
14. Stealth can be translated as "run and don't even try to fight." There is no shame in that. Living is cool.
15. If you make the description of "easy" mode really mocking, people will choose normal difficulty instead.
16. Some places are very difficult to navigate and some people's directions are useless.
17. If at first you don't succeed, try again. If for the eighty-seventh time you don't succeed, it means your methods suck.
Things We Named in Halo (some RvB style)
1. The Monitor = Andy
2. Cortana = stupid voice in my head that keeps making bad things happen to me; shortened to 'evil voice in my head'; Omega, when she kills me.
3. Captain Keyes = that annoying idiot guy
4. The Warthog = Puma
5. Ghost = Donut's Motorcycle Thing
6. All The Aliens = Crunchbite
7. The Marines That Jump Into The Jeep With You = New Best Friend
So, that was like the longest post ever. Some of these lists will be added to eventually, by the way :)